i’m back
I can’t believe how quickly the times have flown! I fully intended to continue writing this blog every week after Codey arrived, but, well, here we are…It’s been a handful getting used to this helpless little being that’s now constantly attached to me - exhausting, exhilarating, scary, and wonderful all at the same time. I’m amazed at how he’s put everything in perspective. I’d been told that would happen once he was born, but I guess I underestimated the extent to which he would change everything - and for the better. The insignificant things, like clean dishes or a tidy house, just don’t matter anymore.
The first few weeks with Codey are still a blur, but I know I just kept thinking how natural and right it felt to have a baby; my mothering instincts definitely kicked in, thank God! We didn’t have any problems getting the hang of breastfeeding, fortunately. It’s hysterical to watch Codey - anytime he is placed on his back in the crook of someone’s arm he thinks he’s going to be fed and starts rooting around for a breast. 
I’ve just gone back to work, and it’s KILLING me. I cried when I had to leave Codey at daycare the first day. Oh, who am I kidding, it’s been three weeks and I’m still having a hard time driving away in the morning and dashing out of the office as early as possible to bring his home. Thank God I can work from home a couple of days a week and spend more time with him. Granted, it’s impossible to get anything done when Codey’s around, even with our babysitter. I can hear his gurgles and cries and it’s just too tempting to run out and see what he’s doing. I don’t know how well or how long this arrangement will work, but I think it’s the best option for the moment.
Codey is at a really fun, interactive stage right now - gurgling, smiling and kicking his legs when he’s happy. Kevin is so cute - he’ll do just about anything just to get a big smile out of him. He’s learned very quickly how to wrap him around his little finger (that’s my boy!!) and he’s totally content to remain there indefinitely.
Speaking of Kevin, we are doing pretty well as a couple. It’s kind of weird, having a child with him made me feel so much closer to him; yet at the same time, I was so exhausted and focused on Codey for the first couple of months that I feel like we barely interacted. I almost feel like he’s become a stranger of sorts. We haven’t had very much time or energy for meaningful conversations, and forget about sex. I was too sore at first, and have been too tired since. We’ve only had sex a few times, and I have to admit it’s more for his benefit than mine. The first time it was like the poor guy had been lost in the desert and finally spied an oasis! But I just don’t get into it; I still feel disconnected from my body, sexually speaking.
